Looking Forward

I was looking forward to time away. I was looking forward to not worrying about little accidents around the house or worrying if our dog (Maximus) is well protected from my two and half year olds rather rough affection. Worrying about the next meal she will have. Worrying where the danger lies in our furniture arrangement.

For 5 days I was no more a Disciplinarian, Authoritarian, Marxist... i.e.    A Caring Father!

I was looking forward to going away across to the other side of the country to attend my brothers wedding. By the way was a nice affair, congratulations Christian.

I was looking forward to being by myself, without a care in the world. Just me, like it used to be.
One day away from my daughter was all it took for me to realise I'm not that person any more who only thought about himself.

That my freedom of being me again was nothing more than a fallacy. It was no more what I wanted. It was no more, than a selfish notion!

Being away from my insolent, disobedient, loving, intelligent two and a bit year old was too much for me to enjoy any of my time away.

I missed her! I missed Amelie! My life is no longer just about me. It was no more looking back.

A 5 hour plane trip back and I arrive at the airport. I disembark and head towards the exit. It's late and way past her bedtime but standing there amongst the others waiting for their loved ones is a tiny figure clutching a teddy. Standing there is my love, my being. Standing there is my daughter.

Amelie comes to me, I pick her up and we hug. She says how much she loves me, I respond with the same. I sit beside her in the back of the car, she holds my hand the whole trip.

Along the way Amelie says, "Papa, I was looking in the sky looking for your plane. I saw the flickering lights. Did you see the flickering lights?"

"Yes, I did see the flickering lights." I reply.

"No, you didn't! You were in the plane. You can't see the flickering lights inside the plane!" And then she falls asleep.

I'm Home. Looking Forward.

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